This seems to be my line this week. People keep asking me if I'm at least starting to feel better and I honestly have no idea. I'm sure I am, but I'm working seven days a week right now in order to accommodate dialysis training, so it's hard to say if I'm feeling any better because I'm still exhausted.
Last week was really rough. I had a few things come up that were just enough to push me over the edge from "sane and handling this" to "I'd like to fall asleep and never wake up". Hello mental breakdown. Friday was a rough dialysis treatment - everything went smoothly with two needles and we even got my pump speed up to 400 (that was the goal) but every fibre in my body did NOT want to be there. It was the most beautiful day outside and I was PISSED that I had to sit inside for this stupid treatment that takes up so much of my time and how come I have to do this but little Susie over there has never had a hard day in her life, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, it was one of those days.
Needless to say, I worked through it. Saturday was another gorgeous day and I spend the majority of it at the barn with ponies & friends - it was exactly what I needed.
So, now that I'm feeling a little less defeated and focusing on my dialysis training and getting prepared to bring it home the week of October 15th. One day at a time!
You are an amazing young woman, Megan. I can't say I understand as I can't possibly. You are always so "up" at class and give us so much. Thank you for that. You do a great job of hiding your pain, both emotionally & physically. You are very strong but that can I'm sure take its toll with all you have to deal with. One day at a time seems an excellent guide. Take care my friend. Know that others care and are thinking about you.
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