Stay Here.

It's hard to believe tomorrow is fistula surgery day.  Overall I'm really just annoyed that I have to do the whole thing.  I'm not particularly nervous about the actual procedure, I know the surgeon could do this in her sleep; I am a little anxious at the idea that it could not work, and then I would have to do it again and/or get a catheter to start dialysis sooner rather than later.  My whole thing the last few weeks has been to stay present (as cheesy as that sounds but it works), just really focusing on what I'm doing at that moment and enjoying it (really, that's how we should all be living all the time...).  I've had a ridiculously amazing summer so far filled with concerts, trips, parties, cottaging, ponies, good books, fresh food - I've been very fortunate and I've done my best to take it all in and really truly be there and enjoy it.  It's been wonderful.

I popped in for bloodwork this morning to make sure my potassium, hemoglobin, etc. levels are within a safe range for my surgery.  As far as the process of the surgery it's starts tonight at midnight with no further food or drink and then clear liquids only until 3 hours before the surgery.  It's just a day surgery so I'll be in and out tomorrow.  I check into the hospital at 1:30pm and am set to go at 3:30pm.  I am planning go to the barn and distract myself in the morning and then head in the afternoon.  I have food ready (even though my appetite probably won't be there until the weekend, it's always the first thing to shut down and the last thing to come back when my body is under stress), I have a cleaning service schedule to come in Wednesday and we have a few possible light day trips planned for later on in my week off. As always, we are going to make the best out of everything :)