Where Did My Reins Go?

I am having one of those weeks where I am extremely annoyed that this is my life.  I'm mad that I have to get a fistula next month, I'm mad that I need to get dialysis three times a week in the fall, I'm mad that I need another transplant and will have to take time off work and most likely loose a chunk of the clients that I have spent the last 10 years building.  I'm just all around angry. I did my best to not take it out on the rest of the world this past week but on top of naturally having a bit of a temper, plus the rage-casing about my current life predicament, failing kidneys also tend to cause an increase in irritability. So basically, I'm considering the fact that I managed to not kill anyone a win.

Physically I didn't feel too bad this week.  I rode a few horses, walked the dog, did some gardening and even fit in a few small workouts.  With all of the anger building up I needed an outlet - hence the mini workouts.  I haven't had much energy for actual workouts, it's mainly been riding and walking Harlow, but I've always used working out as an outlet for my hothead tendencies, so when I was feeling so frustrated, working out was the only thing I could think of to help work through it.

My plan for today to take the bulk of it to myself.  I don't think I am going to be the most pleasant person to be with today and I need time to recharge on my own.  I am going to get as much of my life in order as I can.  Clean up the apartment, plan out my week, etc.  My goal is to feel as in control over the things I can control so I can stop obsessing over the things that I cannot.  It's a technic I was taught awhile ago while I was working through my past struggles with eating disorders.  Letting go of the things I can't control and focusing on the things that I can: a clean apartment, an organized week, maybe a mini workout, etc.  They don't have to be big things, just things that I can control the outcome of.  I am also going to take a page from my dog and the horses I work with to take one step at a time.  Focus on what is happening right now, at the moment and try to forget about the not so fun things to come.