"I am stronger than depression and braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me".
-Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Appearances, Baby

Throwback to beautiful Bowen Island. 
Growing up we had a cat named George.  A few years after we made the tough decision to put him down, we got two new kittens.  It wasn't until we got the brand new shinny kittens and started looking back at old photos of George that we got the whole picture of how OLD and ghostly he looked.  He didn't seem that bad because we were used to him - sure he occasionally fell off the couch and took awhile to wake up again, and he was really just skin and bones, but he was George!

See where I'm going with this?

I was looking through some pictures today and realized how good I looked a few years ago (yeah, yeah - I look wonderful now - thank you).  I was strong and rested and all fresh- faced.  It got me thinking that maybe it is time for dialysis (I already knew that, but now I KNOW that.  I know my doctor is on top of things and I trust him fully, it just takes me a little longer to come to the same conclusion myself).  With dialysis helping my system function, I'm hoping to be able to do a bit more of what I used to be able to do.  I'm still able to do a lot, sometimes more than most people without kidney issues, but I used to be able to do more and I looked good doing it (wink-wink).

I've also started to come to a better mental place with the idea of a fistula and all of it's grossness.  I don't gag quite as much as I did previously.  I had the idea that I was going to need to get more long sleeve shirts to cover my arm.  I've recently decided that I do not need to cover my arm to make it more comfortable for other people - they can deal.  I've decided to just go ahead and rock it.  There is a good chance I am going to be on dialysis for awhile and I am not going to keep my arms covered for the next however many years.

This is my reality and I am going to rock it.    

1 comment:

  1. You will rock it!!
    You are strong!!
    And I must say you look at peace when riding Sickens....something about you two together...the togetherness...