"I am stronger than depression and braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me".
-Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Monday, January 1, 2018

Ain't No Rest for the Non-Functioning Kidney

Happy New Year!

It is hard to believe that we have entered into the first day of 2018.  This also means I am back to work after an uneventful, restful (exactly what I needed) week off.  I had some time with family, friends and the four-legged loves of my life, and I was reminded that as much as I need more alone time than the average person, being around people can be a really good thing too.  It's challenging when you work with people all day.  I have the BEST clients I could ever ask for, but I talk to people ALL day!  It's hard to want to talk about things to friends and family at the end of the day because I'm so tired of hearing my own voice.

It's one of the major reasons I love my animals so much.  We have full conversations and yet they have never spoken a word to me.  There is still such a deep connection and clear understanding of each others needs and requests.  Once you learn to respect each others boundaries, it's a very rewarding relationship.  This is also why I find myself DYING to get out to the barn tomorrow after we had a couple of weeks off for Christmas.  Horses & dogs don't judge.  They don't care if you have a few extra pounds from the holidays, if you have make up on, or what brand your clothes are.  They might hold a grunge (if you don't believe me, you clearly haven't met a mare), or not gel with your energy, but they never judge!  I (like most people I think) always tend to be my own harshest judge.

I have high expectations in regards to my work ethic, performance level, etc.  As a result, I tend to be quite hard on myself when I don't meet those expectations.  I am slowly improving on this.  I was expecting to be feeling rested and ready to get back to work after having a little over a week off and was having a hard time not being disappointed that I wasn't completely pumped to get back at it.  I LOVE what I do, I love the people I work with but I have kidney failure and there is no amount of time off that is going to make me feel like a million bucks at this point.  It's a hard truth to handle for a perfectionist.

I've also been trying to find a happy place with my blood pressure meds.  Whoever said you can't "feel" high blood pressure clearly never experienced high blood pressure.  It's a terrible headache right in the back of your skull.  I've noticed for a few weeks that it's been getting worse, so after consulting with my doctor I increased my evening pill a bit to try and manage it.  The problem is blood pressure meds and I don't typically get along.  I'm pretty sensitive to the side effects, including a bit of dizziness (manageable) and water retention (SUPER annoying).  My osteopathic treatments have been working a miracle at keeping the fluid moving so I don't get too puffy, but with Christmas break I missed last week and am feeling the results.  I'm puffy around my ankles, hips & collarbones; plus I can feel structurally I'm all wonky.  It just goes to show what miracles they are working with weekly treatments.  I am forever grateful I found them!

I have clinic in a few weeks and will see what the numbers look like.  In the mean time, I will just keep going my thing and just try to do the best that I can, while still making time for the things that give me purpose, joy & light!  


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