"I am stronger than depression and braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me".
-Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Sunday, February 11, 2018

No More Donuts

I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone who has offered their kind words and positive vibes these last couple of days - they've been tough.  If you asked me how I was doing in person, you would have got the "I'm okay" response.  I don't know how to reply any differently, I guess it might be my way of trying to convince myself (or, you know I have issues with being vulnerable, cause I'm a control freak...that's an issue for another lifetime I think).  The truth is, I'm struggling, but I don't know how to do that.  I do know how to buck up, get my shit together and move forward - so that's what I'm doing.

After talking to a couple of resourceful clients and doing a bit more research I have started to reconsider the catheter option for dialysis.  I don't know if I can mentally handle having the fistula in my arm forever.  If that was my only option, sure I'd make it work but between the timeline on the fistula and the two needles three times a week, it's looking like a bigger commitment.  There is a lot I don't know about the catheter still.  When I went to the consultation I already had it in my head that I was getting a fistula, so I didn't listen as well as I should have to the catheter-talk.  I made another appointment with the nurse to do a do-over appointment to get all of the information on both options again in order to reassess properly.

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