"I am stronger than depression and braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me".
-Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

March is Hard.

I've never particularly enjoyed the month of March.  In February you expect it to be winter, but by March I get the feeling that it should be over.  I think most people do.  It's around this time of year where I have an internal battle over the idea of visiting a tanning bed.  I used to tan when I worked at GoodLife, but for the obvious reason that it's really bad for it, I stopped.  It's always in March that I get that itch to just do a few sessions!  It's the idea of the warmth, and the nicely coloured skin...
I figure I don't really have any other vices.  I don't drink, or smoke; I eat decently well, I workout, I drink kombucha and diffuse essential oils; my only vice has always been the sun.  In the summer I stay out for hours.  I usually end up with quite the equestrian tan of beautifully dark arms and my legs 10 shades lighter.  I love the summer.  But March is hard.

It probably doesn't help that March has never really been happy for me.  March break is a thing of the past; [again], I don't drink, so St. Patrick's Day isn't my thing.  Instead, I have memories of recovering from both transplants in March: my first transplant - February 29th, 2000 and my second transplant - March 9th, 2011.  While I will not be having a transplant in March this year, I am getting constant reminders that it's coming.  The fatigue, insomnia (yup, together is a super fun combination - I'm chronically exhausted, but I can't sleep), irritability (it's an actual symptom of kidney failure - although I don't see the fatigue and insomnia helping), lack of attention span, lack of appetite, and probably my least favourite - water retention.  I'm sloshing as I like to put it.  Mainly the water rentention is a side effect from my blood pressure medication, but edema in the ankles is a kidney thing.  So, needless to say I'm a little grumpy.  It's all uncomfortable.

Because none of this is new, I do have a pretty good system in place for getting through March (so close!).  I focus on the little things that make me happy: investing in fresh flowers every week (white flowers are my favourite for future reference, but tulips of any colour make me happy), making sure I get my pony visits in, enjoying the sun when it does make an appearance, tea, new yummy oils to diffuse, snuggles with Harlow and trying to maintain as much of a normal routine as I can.  I am still very much a type A personality after all, routine makes me happy.  And April will be here before we know it - come on spring!

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