Glorified Gongshow

I recently did an interview with CBC talking about my situation and organ donation. I had a few people mention that I have a tendency of making it sound not as bad as it really is. Itʼs true, I know I do that. I donʼt like pity - I donʼt know how to handle it, and to be honest, while my situation absolutely sucks and is terrifying, sulking isnʼt going to get me anywhere. So, yes I am angry and terrified but Iʼm much better at doing something about it and moving forward than I am playing the victim.  Plus, most people don't actually know what to say to me when I do talk about it (really, there isn't anything you can say) and it's awkward for everyone (I tend to find human communication a little awkward to begin with, so throw some pity in there and I'm really uncomfortable).  With all of that being said, I'm always happy to answer questions and appreciate everyones support and positive vibes.  

On another note I have made the final decision to go ahead with the fistula. I went back and forth between the fistula and the catheter, and after talking to the most wonderful, patient nurse about my options (again), the fistula is, unfortunately the better of the two super crappy options. The risk factors and longevity of the catheter pose too high of a risk.  There is a risk for infection, blood clots and some major complications if one, or both of those things happen.  She did mention that if it is absolutely vital for my wellbeing, they can reverse the fistula once I get a transplant. The idea that it wonʼt be in my arm forever is enough to make it bearable.  At least with the fistula, I don't have to modify much in my life - showering, riding, working out all stays the same.  I have a surgery date set for mid July.